She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
