I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
