i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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