I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
