hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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