It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
