I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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