Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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