Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize