Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
