I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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