Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
