no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
