Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We are two peas in an std pod
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
