I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
