is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
