Buhtt sex?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
