my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
