There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
