Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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