It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
