It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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