Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
