there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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