Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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