Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
