Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
