R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
