On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
