'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
