Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize