Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just invented taco cereal.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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