Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
