I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
