i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
