i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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