just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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