stop calling my apartment porn island.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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