omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
honey bunches of taint.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
