just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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