I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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