The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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