I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
