I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
