I just threw up on my dentist
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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