GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
