So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
