So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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