There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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