The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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