Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
