You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
