I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
