your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
