is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
