Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
