I just saw a hot homeless man
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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