We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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