She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize