This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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