you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
