Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
