You're completely useless in the revolution.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
