have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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