I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
