What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
