'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
