all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
