Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize