I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
