Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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